Finding Strength in the Face of Grief

Studying abroad has always been a dream of mine—an opportunity to grow academically and contribute to something bigger than myself. It always felt like a dream that was too far out of reach, until I got the chance to be part of the scholarship program of People of Asia for Climate Solution (PACS). I knew this was a chance to make a real difference, especially since I've always felt this deep need to help the world around me. This feeling became even stronger after I went through the traumatic experience of Typhoon Yolanda (Typhoon Haiyan) which hit the Philippines hard.

My time in China was supposed to be the start of an exciting adventure—full of learning, new ideas, and collaboration with people who shared my passion for addressing climate change. I was ready for all the challenges and growth that would come with it. But halfway through my studies, something happened that would change everything and test my strength in ways I never expected.

When I first arrived in China, I was excited and nervous at the same time. PACS is an organization dedicated to tackling climate issues across Asia, and I knew being part of it meant I could help create real solutions for the planet's future. The program was tough: lots of research, fieldwork, and deep discussions with scholars from all over the Philippines. Every day, I felt inspired by everyone's passion and commitment to make a positive impact. I even started learning Mandarin, which felt like a huge adventure in itself.

But just as I was starting to feel like I had a routine, I received the devastating news from my brother and grandmother: my mother had passed away. The shock was overwhelming. Being so far from home, I felt utterly helpless and lost. I felt sorry for myself, like everything I had been working for didn't matter anymore. The grief consumed me, and for a while, I honestly didn't know how I could continue my studies or even finish what I started.

My mother has always been my biggest cheerleader. She encouraged me to follow my dreams, even when the road was hard. She taught me the value of perseverance, even in the face of adversity. Her passing left a hole in my heart, a hole that I didn't think anyone or anything could fill. I started to question everything—my anxiety grew bigger, and my thoughts became my worst enemy.

For a time, I thought about going home to be with my family. The pain of losing my mother was intense, it felt like I had died along with her. I didn't think I could keep going. But as I allowed myself to grieve, I began to realize something important: my mother would want me to keep going. She always believed in me, and I knew she would want me to keep pushing forward. It was her belief in me that gave me the strength to continue, even when it felt like the world was too heavy to carry.

Losing my mom has changed how I see strength and resilience. It taught me that even in our darkest moments, we can still find a way to move forward. I've learned that true perseverance doesn't just come from inside us—it comes from the support of the people we love, the memories we hold dear, and from working toward something bigger than ourselves.